Posted by: fireweaver | May 20, 2006

fast track?

more and more lately, i find that work gets in the way of me doing work.

i keep intending to get my study on during my regular work hours (down to 4 weeks now), but keep getting interrupted. obviously, after 2 weeks out, nothing particularly productive happened monday other than sorting through everything. tuesday out at study group. wednesday on call, and got slammed all day, had to pause for an hour and a half at the end of the day for an investigator teaching session, then get back to the other crises (didn’t leave until after 7). thursday was rounds at the farm, chipping at the unfinished paperwork from wednesday, and prepping for slide conference & journal club. friday was the standard scheduled mess of classes/meetings/seminars from the start of the day straight through until 3pm, rechecks on some of those crises from wednesday, and handling a couple more crises cuz hey, it’s my weekend on call. when Vivian called about getting some thai last night, i actually had to tell her to give me an hour alone on the couch to unwind before i could get up the energy to leave the house again. our supertech is out on a fabulous australian vacation, which means that i have to go in and do all the checks/give meds to everyone who needs it. found out friday that that’s not the usual 1-4 patients, but 13 of them, scattered across 4 facilities, woohoo!! i’m about to head in and take care of that for today, then it’s time to study/chill/get pretty (hot date tonight).

as if my mental run-around at work wasn’t enough to exhaust me, i of course have been working on figuing out wtf i’m up to with this guy. Becky & Keyata have the major sympathy, being as how they’re in the same damn boat with their respective beaux, Candace thinks we all think too much. i’d asked him a few weeks ago what his situation was (“well, you know i’m dating, right?”), and he told this story on our boating afternoon wherein he was rather mocking some poor chickie that got way too attached “after only a couple of weeks”, so i’m interpreting as: keep it loose & casual, not too serious, etc. then while we’re chilling at his place tuesday (mid-makeout session) he says, “i so want to start waking up with you in the morning.” my wires are so crossed. casual-working-up-to-serious? rent-to-own?? wtf. i’ve been playing all my cards so close to my chest that sometimes i don’t even take the time to look at them myself, being paranoid that if i let on that i’m interested even a little bit, i’ll be the next poor chickie in the mocking tales to friends. it’s got to be frustrating as all fuck for him, it’s exhausting the fuck out of me, but i have gotten a lot of practice at answering questions with a sphinx’s smile. screw it, i’ve had enough, the self-editing is mentally claustrophobic, life is short & i’ve got plenty of other things to keep me stressed, i’m just jumping in.

Ishtar watch over me.

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