Posted by: fireweaver | October 24, 2006

crash course

well, i finally did it. took me all of 3 f’ing months, too.

where i live now is far more suburban/rural-y than my former digs in north b’more. lots of twisty, one-lane-each-way, heavily wooded streets between the places you live & the ones you need to get to. there’s even a route between b’more and home that i specifically don’t take because it’s so narrow & curvy, you literally can’t see more than 15 yards ahead at any point, and i’m quite sure that i’ll wreck into some teenager whipping around those curves at 50, or a deer.

i’ve seen *a lot* of dead deer on the side of the road lately. there was even one blocking half the exit from the parking lot of one of our work buildings, a distinctly non-rural location, about 2 weeks back.

headed out to petsmart/walmart tonight (seriously time to do something about the sadly empty tank in my office and so i needed some supplies) after chilling at the house for an hour or two to let all the traffic die off. tonight is one of those very clear crisp nights where all the oncoming headlights have glittery spiky coronae, making everyone look like their brights are on. just a few seconds after clearing my eyes from the last pair of blinding stars, a pair of does decided to cross the road right in front of me. they were both just strolling along, doing neither the expected quick darting from tree to tree or the standing dazed in the center of the road. i nailed the brakes, and attempted to skid in between the two of them, but the girl bringing up the rear just kept on plodding along, head half down like one of those old ponies you see at county fairs, apparently unconcerned about the amazing noise my brakes were making with the pavement.

btw, when a deer hits your car, it’s really f’ing loud, even at a not so fast speed.

i turned the car around, assuming i’d get to see how handy my tiny trunk shovel would be at roadside euthanasia. not a trace of anything, no blood on the highway, no impact print, not so much as a hoofmark scraped into the roadside dirt, certainly no injured deer anywhere.

whilst driving on to the store, i was quite sure that the whole passenger side of my car was a smashed up bloody horrorshow. i did have *2* functional headlights, though, and the alignment was all normal, so no reason to just head home, right? the inspection in the parking lot was a whole lot better than expected. aside from a hunk of deer hair stuffed next to the headlight (no skin & no bloody mess, so good luck deer) and things just looking slightly…off…all was pretty well. sweet! it just looked like the gap between the front quarterpanel & the passenger door was too obvious. then i tried to open said passenger door. oh. front quarterpanel is shoved about 2″ too far back to let me open the door more than about 4″. shit.

since my insurance deductible is approximately a million dollars, i’m not sure what i’m going to do in the immediate future. probably make any would-be passengers go all dukes of hazard in the side window. *very* professional.


  1. glad you’re okay! And, going all “dukes of hazzard” to get into your car would be SO.MUCH.FUN! But yes, not so impressive if you have a working lunch or some such nonsense.

  2. Coworker had some sort of accident and her (rear) door mechanism was dinked. We go to lunch. I pile in the back, I get to the lunch location and I *can’t GET OUT* There was a lot of screaming and banging for attention as people *forgot I was in the back of the damn car* (baby seat on the other side, so I couldn’t get out on that side either).

    Dukes of hazzard is so way better than “trapped in the back seat like some sort of frelling criminal” thing.

  3. Ahhhh. . . .*sigh*. . . .Beau and Luke Duke of Hazard County. . . .If any of your passengers qualify as look-alikes call me. . . you need a wingman for 2 fellows of that caliber.

  4. […] that he was fine. turns out he met up with a suicidal deer who, much in the same fashion as the one my car danced with last year, nonchalantly walked out into the middle of the road to be hit. while i escaped with merely a bent […]

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