Posted by: fireweaver | January 18, 2007

not yet quitting my day job

we went last night to our first ho-dancing class. the little tiny wiry chickie teaching this one had a hard glint to her eyes (“sorry, babies, i’m a little under the weather. if i have to be miserable, ya’lls gonna be miserable”), a funky afro-puff ponytail on top of her head, and the same black patent stripper boots that the blonde surfer did saturday. holy mother of god, did she kick our asses. Melissa declared her “a torture princess,” which i’ll definitely have to agree with. there’s that kind of personal trainer/aerobics instructor/fitness leader of some sort who practices motivation by being your encouraging lil buddy…then there’s that kind that got booted out of boot camp for being too vicious of a drill sergeant. she’s that second kind. only CRAZY flexible. 2 things we have learned, kids:

1. strippers EARNED those bodies. test drive this when you get bored: lay on your back, either supporting yourself with elbows/forearms or just doing a permanent crunch to get your shoulders off the floor. put your legs together & raise them straight up, perpendicular to the floor, then start pedaling a great big bicycle in the air, huge long bent-kneed sweeps alternating legs. then open up, so you’re pedaling at a 45 degree angle to the floor (i.e., legs are in a V). keep doing this until you think you’re going to die. then get off the floor, shake your ass & grind around a sturdy chair there for the purpose. then straddle that chair backwards, hold on to the back of it and lean back, and do that same big pedaling thing. holy crap. i could not walk straight when it was time to go home.

2. ho-tastic shoes do in fact give you a hell of a work out. after wearing them to work tuesday, i did not want to ruin the uber-trashy leopard print boots by working out in them, they’re just too fun. my calves informed me wednesday am as i crawled out of bed that such tall shoes were a workout in themselves just being worn around the office, so we know they were already working on giving me a more ho-ish body, woohoo. instead, i’d purchased a plain pair of short black boots with broad-flared 4″ heels, also on super payless clearance. and i’m telling you, every stretching/dancing/twisting/lean we did that involved a foot on the floor or the chair was magnified by always being on tiptoe to do it.

i’m wearing sensible shoes today. but it’s really tempting to run around in tall shoes all the time.



  1. It is with great sadness that I inform you that I cannot wear strippers shoes, my foot is not built for them and I bruise from the arch down to the toes. . .How will I ever be able to attain results when doing stripper-obics?

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