Posted by: fireweaver | June 3, 2007

i get by w/a little help…

after a brief round at the b’more farmers’ market today – it was rainy, and still early in the season for most things – Bruce, Vi & i ended up at belvedere square for lunch time.  Vivian mentions “you’ve been a little downbeat today, anything wrong?”

so, yeah, i’ve been a bit depressed lately.  adventures in online dating have recently been an exercise in frustration & annoyance, not one of comedy, and it’s started getting to me.  see, i can’t take it seriously at all, or i get bent out of shape about it.  this is why i don’t use pay sites, because if i was actually forking over money and ended up with no (or worse yet, horrible) results, then i’d have to count it all as some colossal failure.  if it just stays as a casual lark, though, eh, it’s no big deal either way.  but then, mr.MIA shows up (or, not, as the case may be).

ah, mr.MIA.  you rat bastard, how you have utterly f’ed up my zen.  every time this guy calls, we have such an excellent connection.  the conversation flows like we’re old friends, and there’s flirting without sleaziness, flattery without creepiness, an effortless good time instead of the ‘dealing with this hoping it will work towards something later’ i’ve been slogging through with other bozos.  haven’t clicked with someone like this in approximately forever.  and he’s always “oh, we should so get together sometime” and there’s always no follow-up.  doesn’t call when he says he will, and then when asked why, has some always-plausible tale.  most frequently, that “i’m so in to you, and i just got burned by the last LTR i got out of, that i’m paranoid i’ll mess it all up, so i come up with excuses to be busy and not call you.”  and he manages to make that load of crap sound both believable and sincere.

some time in the middle of last week, he calls out of the blue and says that he’s in the next little suburb north of me, and asks if we can get together when he finishes his errands.  i’m ok with this idea, he says he’ll call with the plan when he’s done…and i haven’t heard from him since.  this b.s. is officially over.  the only way for me to feel more jerked around would be for me to tie a yo-yo string around my neck.  just an utter f’ing shame he couldn’t be more of an overt asshole, so i wouldn’t have given a crap about him in the first place.

but, ya know?  i’m single, not solitary.  so screw all those weasels, i got fun chick stuff to do.

the second meeting of our crafting group was saturday am.  just the organizer, me, and one other person (it was a last-minute notice sort of thing), but we had a blast.  everyone i hang out with, other than my private-practice vet friends, is in ‘the industry’, and i really keep thinking i need to break out of my little world more often.  this is a totally diverse group of people that just happen to have a handful of very similar interests, so there’s enough in common to start up plenty of conversations, and enough different to keep the chatter going endlessly.  after chatting an hour longer with the girls than i’d planned on staying, i returned a call from the new vet we recently hired (ok, there’s a reason i hang out with people in my little world most of the time) about making the wine tasting rounds.  Jen met up with me at my house, and then we scooted off to all 3 tastings, lingering over a cheese plate & a few glasses in the cafe area at the last one.  some time into the tales of debt and mortgages and family and wacky derailments in love lives and vet school potluck dinners, i had to ask, “are you my long-lost sister or something?”

so i don’t want to whine too much about how my life is all pathetic, because really, it isn’t.  it’s a pretty damn good life, just a currently defective love life.  maybe i need to just stop playing the game at all for a few weeks, maybe i need to call this latest person back to satisfactorily tell him off to clear my head.  either way, i’ll just keep singing along with our drunk-ass friend ms.winehouse, “yes i’ve been black, but when i come back, you’ll know.”


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