there’s a whole host of little sayings everyone uses, whose words are intelligible and you think you understand, but that gain a whole new resonance when you actually live through them. for example, “kissing him is like kissing my little brother” sounds bad enough, but particularly blows when it actually happens. another of those little sound-bites would be “we just rushed into a physical relationship.” i’ve kind of always translated that one into ‘yeah, you were horny and an opportunity was there,’ but OH now i get it. i’m not precisely sure what shred of decorum i must have left, but it prevented me from throwing him down on the sidewalk next to the fountain at the bethesda metro station last night.
i packed up a fruit & cheese picnic and went to go meet up with nerdhottie for bethesda’s outdoor movies yesterday. after discovering that it was a screen set up in an alley with straight little rows of chairs – a regular theater sans ceiling, way less fun than the haphazard scatter of blankets & lawn chairs at screen on the green or little italy – we ended up heading off to get a couple of drinks & fire up that endless conversation. after careening from ‘detachable penis‘ to ‘donnie darko‘ to the physics of black holes and tales of acquired scars, it was round 2 of loosing track of time. “are we actually going to make the movie this time?” i asked. “hmm, well, since it started 10 minutes ago, i’m thinking no,” he says.
i’d had a conversation with a girlfriend at work earlier in the day about how annoying it is when playa-playa guys think they’re going to weasel into your heart by insincerely being sweet. things like scripted bits of speech about moonlight on your face, or attempts to hold your hand. when he captured both of my mid-gesture hands in his, though, there was nothing insincere or cheezy about it at all. whatever i was thinking and talking about vanished like smoke in a stiff breeze when he brought my fingers to his face, tickling them with exhalations and planting tiny kisses on the tips. i’m sure i was giving him a stare that was far too intense, blue-grey eyes locked on blue, with my pupils dilated enough to swallow my face. “hmmm?” he queried with a half-smile. “i’m focusing on the distraction,” i replied.
once again, it was time to race off to the metro before the last train headed off. picnic uneaten and forgotten except for hauling around the bag on my shoulder, we strolled through bethesda, pausing periodically to kiss under the streetlights. there’s a fountain outside the station, and we paused there to enjoy each other’s company long enough for him to miss his train out. they were closing the station gates as we dashed in, and we had just enough time to make mine. he accepted my offer to drive him home, and after the there-and-back trip i didn’t see my bed until 3am, with the faint scent of his cologne on my cheek.
so of course, the car trip home was the beginning of the gift-horse oral examination. is it just that he’s really smooth at this, as in actually smooth, as opposed to the transparent calculations of mr.grabby? by acting quite honest about how how into him i am, am i coming off as too available? oh well. not much to do but enjoy it while it lasts, and take it all as a reminder of why it’s stupid to settle for anything less than wonderful.