Posted by: fireweaver | September 22, 2007

bad cop

when i got back to the office monday after being gone for a week (the half-day friday did NOT count, as i was completely out of it), there was an odd email waiting for me in one of my junk accounts. some guy who i’d been emailing months ago dropped me a line to say he’d had a lot of big changes going on in his life, sorry for abandonment, but he’d come across our chats when transitioning internet providers and would like to restart them. we wrote all week and then agreed to meet up for some video games at dave & buster’s last night.

we had a fun time (hard not to at d&b, really, since it brings out your inner jr.high kiddo quite effectively), and i enjoyed myself, though i doubt i’ll be seeing him again. he has a bit too much baggage to ignore: the smoking, drinking problem, and avoidance of “foreign food…i just don’t like all those vegetables” were the ones he casually busted out with on our first date. and we all know how i don’t get along with people who won’t eat veggies.

after a chatty dinner and a fun time racing cars & tossing skee-ball, we ended up winding down over a drink at the bar before heading home. the cop assigned to the mall area happened to be standing at the corner of the bar, right next to me, chatting to the bartenders. off the list of silly girly drinks, i ordered a watermelon rita; he got a root beer. “root beer!” the cop says, “you’re sitting at a bar, man, order a drink!” “well, officer, i have a car to drive home in a little while,” says my quite reasonably surprised date. “oh, come on,” says our bad friend the cop, with no knowledge of how many drinks this random stranger has imbibed over the course of the evening, “you can have just one.” “well, no, officer, i really can’t.” “man, that bad at holding your liquor?!” obviously frustrated, but keeping it all shockingly polite, he replies, “no, actually, one of your buddies busted me a while back, and there’s a breathalyzer installed on my car. so yeah, even one is a bad plan.” now sheepish, the cop apologizes and tells the bartender the root beer is on him, and chats with us about how much of a pain DUI paperwork is.

easily the most surreal interaction i’ve ever had with the fuzz.



  1. I cant’ believe a cop would stand there and argue FOR drinking and driving. Was it a real cop or a rent a pig ?

  2. What the flying feces? A cop trying to make someone drink. BRILLIANT. I will sleep safe believing that the ass-tard is at least a rent-a-cop. And yes, I’m deliberately mis-reading your statement to make that true 🙂

  3. sadly, no. and believe ya’ll me, i looked right close at the patch on his shoulder to ascertain rental status or no. yes, this was indeed a bona-fide cop, NOT merely mall security.

  4. That rocks. Entrapment, awesome. I would have drank. Hey if I get busted, I was doing as the officer instructed. Just remember that badge number. I may go down, but I’ll take him with me.

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