Posted by: fireweaver | October 28, 2007

the flip side

because not everything is roses, and when i read back over the past few posts, and when i was telling peeps about Chris last night, it sure sounded like nothing but perfection spilling out of my words.

just a couple of days before we met up for the first date, the part of the company that mr.man worked for got cut. obviously, this is a bad thing that you would not wish on anyone, but you really get to take the measure of a person when push comes to shove, no? and this, ladies & gents, is. a. great. guy. never with some endless stream of “life is so unfair” bitching, nor the codependent drag-you-down-with-me mentality; just water off a duck’s back sort of “it’ll all work itself out soon” while slogging through interviews, being laid-back but not lazy, doing what he had to do. since all stormclouds have silver linings, this one’s was that he had plenty of spare time. beyond the boundaries of my very predictable M-F 8-4.30 gig, that meant that we had nearly a month to spend all the time we’d like getting to know each other in a fast-track version of romance. can you fall in love in that short a time? apparently, yes, and it doesn’t feel rushed or impetuous or like puppy-love infatuation…but just like love on the regular schedule, it does need maintaining.

which brings us to the new job. while the life of a movie theater manager offers obvious perks, it’s also not my same routinely predictable 9-5. between the variable schedule (is today an on or an off day? day or closing shift? it will apparently be different every day of each week) and the fact that he’s an adult with his own life (a good thing, really), we’ve been experiencing a sharp drop-off in the quantity of us time. the ex used to tease me that i was “high maintenance in low-maintenance sorts of ways,” i.e., that while i don’t need anyone to buy me jewelry & furs, by damn he’d better be there physically for quality contact on a routine basis.  this is apparently not something that’s changed over the years.

i’m trying like hell to be supportive. i know what a pain it is to start something new, to figure out the route(s) between your house & office, to reboot 40+ hours/week of your life. he’s clearly making an effort, with daily brief calls or text messages, still talking a good game, letting me know he gives a damn. but talking a good game and actually playing one aren’t the same thing at all. this past week, he had 2 days where he was actually working a standard 9-5 shift, both of which i invited him to stay over (it would have shaved 20 minutes off of his commute, so it was practical to boot), neither of which happened due to various “i have to do x/y/z before work tomorrow” errands. though my commitments this weekend totaled up to a whole 5ish hours (Beth & George’s annual halloween party last night, which was fun, pics of my devilish self to follow), i got to snatch just a tiny 30 minutes chatting on the couch this afternoon before he ran off for the closing shift as the entirety of our sat/sun interactions.

hopefully, this is just transitional;  i don’t need every night, but i do need 2 or 3 out of 7.  after our (extra-comfortable cushy) hugs hello this afternoon, i tell him without anger or whining, “i’m feeling neglected, haven’t seen you in a while.”  “i know,” he tells me, “i’m hating this too.  i get off at 7 tomorrow, can i come over after work?”

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  1. […] dog/house sitter is much put-upon. the house just got warm & comfy again. and oh, the irony of complaining that his work isn’t conducive to “us” time, when it’s now my work that will […]


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