Posted by: fireweaver | November 27, 2007

big dumb brute

last night, i met up with Cary & Brian at the theater (coincidence that Chris’ theater is halfway between b’more and my house? i think not) to catch ‘beowulf‘ in 3d. apparently, the 3d version is only at a few theaters, so we all got to feel super special. as an added bonus, because it was a weeknight, Chris got to bestow free movie managerial favors on all – he’s such a sweetheart.

well, it’s big, dumb, and loud. there’s a lot of yelling, stuff blows up, angelina jolie’s boobs make a few appearances, most definitely a summer popcorn sort of flick: what it’s doing over here in late autumn, i just couldn’t tell ya. literary aspirations are cast by the wayside, since, as previous reviews have pointed out, the original hella-long poem in a foreign language we all had to slog through in grade school didn’t exactly have a linear plot line.  instead, we end up with an odd amalgam of beowulf-king arthur-luke i am your uncle, with extra glittery cgi.  it does indeed look a whole lot like a high-end video-game, right down to the odd sort of little bounce characters sometimes give when they go from ass-kickery to idling.  and hair is weirdly coarse and stiff.  but hey!  3d!  fun!  and while it was certainly every bit as cheezy as ‘hitman’, i didn’t want my 2 hours back at all, this one knows it’s cornball and is just fine with that.  “best” part: a pair of very obvious, very coy nude scenes wherein all the near-full-frontal is last-minute disguised by various bits out of the scenery, a la the honeymoon moment in ‘austin powers‘.  silly.  cuz it’s ok to show breasts, provided they’re covered with a thin film of shimmery gold water, but boybits, well, that’s right out.


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