Posted by: fireweaver | December 15, 2007

why i’m a vet, reasons no.342-489

pretty much every veterinarian in the known universe has had a conversation with someone along the lines of “why aren’t you a real doctor?”  since the real answer of, “i am a real doctor” misses most of the morons that would ask that, we’ll go with the obvious answer of “people are so damn obnoxious” (tho that particular answer will also fall under “reason no.4 why i’m not in private practice”).

occasionally, obnoxious = hilarious, especially when it’s not your problem.  to that end, i heartily invite you to kill plenty of time perusing a long-ongoing thread over on the student doctor network forums: things i learned from my patients.  apparently, this stuff

I had a woman who was tweaking on meth and handcuffed to the gurney pull a crack pipe out of her vagina AND EAT IT! She chewed it up and got glass in her mouth and esophagus. I’d never seen anyone eat a crack pipe before and I did med school in Philly (city motto: Crack. It’s not just for breakfast.)

happens in real life, not just in wacky urban legends.



  1. i usuaslly work the triage in labor and delivery[ that is a zoo like none you vets have ever seen] and yesterday was no exception. i ask simple questions like “how much did your last baby weigh, and do you smoke, and have you done any drugs during this pregnancy because i’m going to give you pain meds and i dont want to kill you. and i get these answers—my last baby weighed 6# 19 oz”. i told her that in texas, we only have 16 oz to a pound and she started crying and yelled at me ” thats what the DOCTOR told me!” and then she sais “i dont do any drugs, but my s/o does marijuana, coke and reds, so if its in my urine, i got it from him. and then she said i dont smoke. i quit when i found out i was pregnant. yesterday. do you have as much trouble interviewing your monkeys?

  2. I LOVE that thread! BTW I’ve been a mod of that website for 6 years now. 😉

  3. I’d rather be a “real” doctor than a vet any day, because I like animals. I’d feel guilty for having to euthanize them, or do any procedures at all (including blood sticks) that made them remotely uncomfortable. I wouldn’t mind hurting people, though (reason #2 that I’m not a “real” doctor).

  4. yeah, but suz, that’s *why* i’m a lab animal vet: i think it’s way important to have people who are genuinely concerned about their little furry charges taking care of them.

    and no, susan, interviewing our monkeys is not as challenging, haha.

  5. OMG, do you have any idea how much time I wasted reading those posts???? They’re hilarious!!

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