Posted by: fireweaver | March 11, 2008

monday lists: bla bla bla

wow, already only the 2nd monday of the month, and already i’ve fallen behind. so, here, a day late (and the proverbial buck short?) is a list for ya: random phrases that get stuck in my mental lexicon.

apparently, i have an occasionally colorful vocabulary. other than cussing like a sailor, i mean. my buddy Justin has told his ladyfriend Vivian on many an occasion that he can tell she’s been hanging out with me when she’s picked up some of my unique verbal quirks. such phrases tend to rise to near-self-annoying prominence and then just fade away, with no explainable time frame. kind of like a song you can’t get out of your head, only it lasts longer. most things have a “use time” of a few months, then gone…but it seems the turn over is slower in my impending middle age (ha!). i’ll have to add to the list as i remember more random quirks. alternately, if you remember ones i’m forgetting, remind me.

1. superhero status to explain one’s personality: generally, i’m Captain Random, which clears up that whole lack of mental filter thing. but i’ve also informed people they were Captain Retard and Captain Smooooove on occasion. “what’s on the front of your superhero uniform?” is also an occasional query.

2. scotch-ifying your personality: “mc” gets stuck on to about everything, especially when expressing shock/surprise. example: “oh no you didn’t, crazy mccrazerson.”

3. odd but easily-deciphered blends: “craptacular” is probably the most common example of this flavor, clearly indicating something spectacularly crappy. but there’s other silly made-up words, oh yes, plenty more.

4. the noise of dismissal: this cracks my mother up to no end. sort of a shorter, more decisive, more to-the-point version of “meh”…more, “mah,” quick and nasally flat. tacked on to the end of a sentence or line of conversation as to indicate the utter triviality of the person or task under discussion.

5. useless, poorly grammar-ed spanglish: i’m from Texas, so i have a smattering of español. i know just enough to come off like the village idiot. especially to our hispanic animal care workers.  i try reeeeely hard to limit it to a friendly “hola” since this is an obviously bad plan.  the plan is not always successful, as in today, when we were discussing an arriving shipment from puerto rico, and the director joked that we needed to be able to welcome the animals in spanish.  “bienvenido a (our facility) los monos!”  i chirped.  the two hispanic techs had to lay head to desk, until they got their laughter under control.

6. gender-generic nicknames: for the most part, all boys end up being “bucky” and all girls end up being “becky” at some point. think of the middle-aged dad on some ‘leave it to beaver’ era show calling his son “sport” and you’ll have the idea.

7. oh hell, nicknames for everyone: other than some people getting specific nicknames just for them, most everyone gets called hon (like a baltimorean), darlin’ (southern drawl a must here), honey, kid (generally used on my “elders”), dear, sweetheart… oh, crap, i’m a middle-manager sexual harasser.

of course, everyone picks up the catch phrases of their era. i’m sure everyone who went to high school around the same time that i did has said, “if you’re gonna spew, spew into this,” more than once. but of course, there were my own unexplainable verbal phenomena then too. some blasts from the past, as in, the following have been purged (thank FSM):

  1. “oh my god becky”. yes, the opening lines of ‘baby got back’ were, at one time, used to express shock/surprise.
  2. “that’s mighty white-hat of you”. because invoking the image of john wayne riding in to save the day was flashier than saying “thanks”.
  3. “christ on a stick”. always said in a flat, deadpan tone, typically used in times of NOT shock/surprise, more for some flavor of annoyance or mild exasperation.  though i don’t think i’ve said it myself in a couple of years, it keeps coming back as an old fave from my peeps.

and more to come, as they re-emerge from my brainvault.



  1. That’s a very cool list of items. I’ll look forward to the next installment.

    I, myself, am not terribly prone to nicknaming. Perhaps I should give it a try. (I guess I do call my sister “Seester” at times. And my daughter gets a whole bunch. But not so much other people.)

  2. Jesus gets a lot of abuse in my exclamations.

    It’s can be:
    Jesus Christ on melba toast!
    Christ on a cracker!
    Jesus on wheat thins with cheese

    And the list goes on and on.

    You know things have gone too far when you get an extremely exasperated, “Oh for fucks’s sake!!!”

    For the record, I use “sweetie” way too often (damn you Southern living!). The neighbor’s girls think I’m freakin’ psychic now. They moved here from Detroit. Their dog’s name is Sweetie. So when I met them, saw the dog and immediately dropped to the floor saying “awww, Sweetie”, clearly it was the inner voice and not my Texas-Virginia coming out to haunt me.

    For the record: My coworkers asked me to never speak spanish again. Ever.

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