my life generally seems rather normal to me, being as how i’m living it and all. when i think about it, though, it’s not hard to admit that monkey wranglin’ isn’t exactly a routine sort of thing. apparently, the oddity of everyday life isn’t attached solely to me.
1. i got a text message from my girl Kris yesterday: “and you think you see weird things at work…today we seized counterfeit tiger penii.” she’s an agriculture specialist with customs, and they get a lot of extremely odd stuff being smuggled in from overseas. i had to call to ask, obviously, a)how did they know it was counterfeit, and b)how does one counterfeit a tiger penis? answers: they were poor-quality carvings made from more mundane (bovine) genitals.
2. being a lazy person as well as a moderate environmentalist, i don’t feel the need to flush the toilet every time something gets dropped in there. bits of tissue, a piece of dental floss, a cotton ball post-nail polish removal – none of these items alone warrants the wasting of 5 gallons of water down the drain. Chris, though, flushes every can in the house containing so much as a dust mote. i finally snapped a couple of nights ago, berating him over the latest 5 gallon wastage, asking why he’s driven to do such a thing. “go ahead and laugh at me,” he says in all seriousness, “but when we’re trapped in the house due to the coming zombie apocalypse, we’re going to have to resort to drinking whatever is left in the house after the zombies mess up the functioning of all the public utilities. if that’s my drinking water tomorrow, it better be clean.” explanations of just how clean toilet water isn’t fell on deaf ears. “zombies, baby. just sayin’.”